[Scene: Bare room. One wobbly stick-figure desk. Wormwood (spindly stick figure with slightly demonic little horns, permanent grin, maybe a tiny “WMDS” badge) lounges in a chair that’s basically two lines and a circle.]
Wormwood:
(looking at phone, bored)
Another day of soft apologetics… inventing new ways to call clear Scripture “mean”…
Yay.
[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK — way too loud. Door rattles like it’s about to fall off.]
Wormwood:
(jumps, stick arms flailing)
Who dares interrupt the remedial academy?!
[Door opens. A plain cardboard package slides in on its own. No delivery guy. Just the box. Big stamp on the side: “SPECIAL DELIVERY – FROM THE OTHER SCHOOL” with a little Isaiah-school logo that’s somehow glowing judgmentally.]
Wormwood:
(leans in, suspicious)
From… them?
The precise ones?
The ones who won’t flatter modern sensitivities?
Suspicious. Very suspicious.
[He picks up the box. Shakes it. Something inside rattles like it’s alive and judgmental.]
Wormwood:
Hmm. Could be a cease-and-desist.
Could be a free tote bag of cope.
Could be actual truth.
(dramatic pause)
…Nah.
Wormwood:
(eyes go wide, stick pupils shrink)
Oh no.
It’s one of theirs.
The unblinking kind.
The kind that doesn’t move the goalposts.
[The video screen leans in slightly, as if judging him.]
Wormwood:
(to the camera, suddenly performing)
Welcome, students of soft standards!
Today’s special delivery from the school across the street…
the one that still thinks words mean things.
[He shrugs with both stick arms, then grins wider.]
Wormwood:
Fine.
Play the tape.
I’ll just sit here and practice my strategic goalpost-moving while it talks.
…This is gonna hurt.
Yay. —Wormwood
[Screen fills the frame. Isaiah.school video begins.]