The King sees Wormwood raise the pan on Izzy, scribbles the warrant, and sends it up. Then the press arrives—as a sink. A Wormwood.school short. Silent. Anointed. Flat.
Wormwood hits play on Izzy’s tape and starts doubting “once damned, always damned.” A soothsaying demon slides in with a better offer: universalism. The video does not blink. Yay.
Wormwood opens a suspicious special delivery from Isaiah.school… and a glowing video of unblinking biblical precision pops out. Short, chaotic stick-figure skit intro. Pure WMDS energy. Yay.
Wormwood boasts how he got Christians loving everything worldly by ditching the Law. Without it they can’t define loving their neighbor—and arguing from Jesus’ silence works perfectly.
Wormwood issues his first official O’possum rating. Isaiah.school is too biblical, too pointed, and dangerously close to making people accept consequences. All five o’possums have played dead and left the building.
“WMDS: When you can’t win the argument, just detonate the standards.” —Wormwood
Welcome to the official remedial academy for those who found isaiah.school far too precise, far too biblical, and far too unwilling to flatter modern sensitivities.
Here at Wormwood’s School of Soft Apologetics (and Other Useful Distractions), we specialize in the fine art of making weak counterarguments sound profound, turning clear Scripture into a choose-your-own-adventure, and ensuring that no difficult text ever survives contact with a sufficiently progressive imagination.
“We used to be Weapons of Mass Destruction… then we got into theology and things went downhill fast.” —Wormwood
Wormwood, “WMDS: Weapons of Mass… uh… School. Yeah. That’s what we meant.”
We do the much more popular work of explaining why that exegesis is mean, outdated, or somehow “not loving.”
Wormwood.school is currently under construction… mostly because the contractor keeps trying to “deconstruct” the blueprints.
What to Expect:
Advanced seminars in Creative Eisegesis, Confident Cope, and Strategic Goalpost Moving.
Guest lectures from demons who specialize in making weak arguments sound profound.
A carefully curated environment where one too many chromosomes is considered a feature, not a bug.
Regular public dunkings on bad apologetics, performed with maximum chaos and zero adult supervision.
The occasional accidental moment of clarity (we apologize in advance).
Enrollment is free. Standards remain optional. Results are still eternal. Check back soon. Or don’t. We’ll still be here either way, yay!
Pure Wormwood energy. Boom! Boom! Boom! WMDS
“Protected by the 1st Amendment and zero adult supervision” —Wormwood has entered the chat.
Wormwood.school is currently under construction… mostly because the contractor keeps trying to “deconstruct” the blueprints.
